I'm in the middle of building a deck for our house and felt like I needed to take a break. I'm just moving so fast I barely have time to go wade in a river or run in the woods chasing animals like I was created to do. Even that isn't taking a break and relaxing. As much as I am in my element with a flyrod in my hand, I still don't allow myself to relax. If I was wanting to relax I would buy a bag of Chee-tos and nightcrawlers. I used to think whoever said fly-fishing is how they relax had a screw loose. Now I understand the personality that gravitates toward it; the guy who can't stand to feel unproductive. I have that characteristic flaw and gift. They say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. I don't know what the second step is but I would guess it involves wanting to change. And that is the part of the problem I am trying to reconcile. It is a beneficial flaw. My noticeably consistent work ethic (as of late) remodels our house, holds down a not-so-easy desk job, plays and prays with our children, not to mention maintaining enough sanity through the rest of life so that I can effectively discipline with love and not anger. Aside from all that, being moderately available so my wife can focus on her new photography business. Buying her a new camera was the best financial move outside of our houses- on top of that I feel she was created to do this. She shares my personality and we have just been slowly feeding off of each others motivation for living life to the fullest, or at least our schedule is lived to the fullest. I don't think it's out of control yet but I could see how families deteriorate when they aren't taking time for each other. Oh how I would really enjoy an Icy BB Porter while resting my arms on some dark, mahogany bar and laughing with the guys about the latest album release from Dustin or Mike. Those guys are genius.
Just taking the time to sit and journal feels somewhat unproductive to me. I have a problem by the way. I'll always be working on something. Taking an hour out of the week to sit and watch TV with my wife is the only priority my wife and I are hit and miss on. We still spend quality time with each other it's just not as much as either of us would like. Which is good and bad. We get a date with just each other about once every two weeks. The good thing about it is we still miss each other. I think many couples start going their own ways and if either is spending more time with friends than their spouse then they are surely doomed. Right now it's bow season so friends that don't hunt are only seen at work. It's not easy to deny the invitations time after time week after week but it is a matter of priority.
Just to make sure I have no free time I decided I should write a book as well. The only real problem I am seeing with that though is my subject matter. The intention is to write down everything I know for my kids just in case I forget to tell them. The other problem therefore is finding an end, or even a beginning. I didn't mean to sound cerebrally self-inflating- just the opposite. I don't know everything, which lends itself to constantly learning things. So basically instead of a book it will be a 12 volume set which will read about as fast as an encyclopedia and have about as much conclusion as one would get from reading C, J, M, K from the aforementioned encyclopedia set (in any order). Don't worry, our drudgery should end a few minutes before my death about 40 years from now.
I should probably take time to sleep.
Nah, I can do that 40 years from now. Even though some may diagnose me with "work-aholism". I guess this blog is a way to at least let the people who care about me know that I do take time to square my head.
