Confessions of a Fly Shop Manager
A jaded fly shop employees final requests to customers
As I prepare for my departure from the fly shop manager life of riches, fame, and glory, I'd like to get something off my chest. Its a small list of requests, suggestions, rants and facts directed towards the every day fly shop customer. New and old, rich and poor.
1. Under no circumstances enter the shop and let the first words that roll out of your obviously silly grill be, "So whats hot". Stop and realize what an open ended statement that is. Try saying, "Hey I'm not as awesome as you, and therefore know nothing, I promise tidings of beer and my hot sister if you teach me your ways". Watch what happens then you [REDACTED] [REDACTED].
2. Don't complain about the price of flourocarbon, it makes you look like you don't know what you're talking about.
3. If you rip your brand new Cloudveil waders on a piece of barb wire its not my [REDACTED] fault.
4. I really don't want to hear about the 20 fish between 12 and 18 inches you caught on the Arkansas last weekend. I'd honestly rather chew glass than listen about all the small fish you and your buddy caught "on the dry", "it was epic bro", [REDACTED] gag me.
5. Just because you know some guy who guides for some shop I've never heard of doesn't mean you get the "bro hook-up".
6. No matter how many fish you catch, it doesn't make you any less of a douche for wearing that bright orange Simms vest.
7. Wet fly is no longer an acceptable description of a nymph. Period.
8. If you are going tarpon fishing but don't want to spend "a lot of money" on gear…….don't go tarpon fishing.
9. Step into the 21st century folks! We have better fly patterns than the Orange Asher and the Royal Coachman nowadays. Buy a [REDACTED] extended body Beatis that flaps its own wings with the help of a microchip and nano-motors. Geez.
10. And finally, people please, PLEASE!!!!!!! Replace your fly lines more than once every 5 years. Most of us replace it yearly, hell, I replace mine quarterly. The reason your line doesn't float, is because you have been stepping on it for a year and never cleaned it. Its not the line company's fault. And it sure as hell isn't mine. Its yours.
(11)Never hold up a fly in a shop and ask….."what size fish you goingg to catch on this little hook?" Idiot phase 1.
There it is. Lets work towards nirvana in fly shop employee-fly shop customer interactions. I leave this list in hopes that it will one day help the brothers working the long hours listen to people bitch about something they know nothing about. And here's to humidity, sand, gators, and redfish. I'm out with no more time left for lip service.
